First Generation College Students

Elgin Ford Jr.

1/2/2024

A conversation had at a First-Gen Anonymous Meeting

Elgin: “Hi, I’m Elgin.”

Group: “Hi, Elgin.”

Elgin: You know, until recently I didn’t think I’d ever realized what I had gone through and how my experiences that differed from some of my peers. I didn’t realize that I was a first-gen student; or survivor as I’ve heard it referred to as. There’s never an instruction manual to accomplishing goals nobody in your family has ever done before. It’s kind of like when you ask for help with your homework and you get the “oh this that new math!” response. It’s hard to successfully navigate a space with no help. Although, along the way you may find a friend or two who’s on the same journey (trauma bonding), in some regards, it’s a journey you take alone.

For me it was always about beating the statistics. Everyone in my family had graduated high school, so after walking across the stage in high school, it was a bit frightening not having a sibling or parent who could tell me EXACTLY what to expect from a traditional, 4-year degree experience, or at least try to guide me. The same thing happened when it came time for graduate school.  

For those of you have just joined, I’m just sharing a bit about my experiences as a first gen student and was just about to go into some depth.

Outside of the statistics and research we can find online, there are a ton of variables, students often face. First and foremost is the financial burden; I wish I had someone to tell me about my options for financing school. My parents didn’t have high-level degrees that afforded them the opportunity maximize their incomes to be able save and pay for me to go to school; the national average for parental income for first-gen students is $41,000. I didn’t have an athletic scholarship. I didn’t know about “applying” for local and national scholarships; I thought they were more like sweepstakes or playing the lottery: just another 1-in-a-million wish. The ONLY two options I had were loans or enter the workforce, and my parents weren’t going to accept me not going to college. Don’t get me wrong, first gen-students are NOT the only ones who experience this, unfortunately. They are, however, more likely to experience crippling amounts of debt as compared to their second and third-generation graduate counterparts.

As we all know, concerns about paying for school isn’t the only financial concern.  There’s a TON of non-tuition covered experiences that enrich and make your collegiate experience what it is. Things like study-abroad, outings with friends, getting a haircut/manicure, or even being able to eat something that isn’t included in your meal plan (‘cause we know how amazing dining hall food is). Some are fortunate enough to be met with scholarships or grants or other non-cumbersome financial support. However, there are some who end up needing to take the rout of the ever-so ridiculous student loans. This isn’t a race thing, but even if we do a breakdown further by demographics, it will also show even more disparity in experience; I guess we all really can’t win.

And seeing isn’t always believing and sometimes misery appreciates some company. Sometimes the pressures from family, the “you’re going to change the family trajectory,” adds to the stress and you don’t always notice it. How can I freely explore and take chances on random classes when that feels like a “waste of time,” or “won’t bring any value;” or how do I navigate the feeling of guilt when I choose to go out to the party of the year instead of studying for an exam that is 2 weeks away? How can I comfortably be a college student who is supposed to make mistakes, procrastinate, learn about myself, navigate unfamiliar cultural [predominately white] spaces when there are decades of a family legacy resting on my 18–22-year-old shoulders? Who’s supposed to help guide me through that? 

Sometimes, it takes an “ah-ha” moment for you to realize what’s been happening to you. Kind of like the realization mid-way through the school year that the self-induced and familial pressures have led to the infamous imposter syndrome…and yes, it is a very, real thing. A moment where I question my purpose, belonging, and overall worth.

It's hard to capture the entirety of essence of the experience in a 5-minute intro; there are so many different variables any of us could all rattle off. Some of it seems made-up, but the domino effect it has can be immobilizing. Nevertheless, I managed to keep my head held high, cautious but truly unafraid to fail (maybe because I didn’t feel like it was an option). It was reassuring, but I had to dig deep and realize that I am my ancestors’ and parents’ wildest dreams; and maybe one day we will write that instruction manual.

But frfr, I preciate y’all letting me vent a little bit.